Stop Drawing and Pay Attention!

Since I could hold a pencil, I have been drawing. All my life - in free time, school time, church time, I have been drawing. This has not always been received well. In fact, most of the time, in any of these structured settings I would hear, “Stop drawing and pay attention!” So I would stop drawing, but my mind would inevitably drift to daydreaming. If I was in a classroom wallpapered with posters, I would start studying the illustrations, paintings or graphics. If I was in a church I would start studying the architecture of the building, the pews or the stained glass windows. If I was in a drab college lecture hall, I would study the design of the powerpoint slides, the wardrobe of the professor or the other students. My mind is constantly daydreaming, examining, questioning and absorbing everything around me. Even while singing during worship, I have this talent to daydream about something totally unrelated to the words coming out of my mouth.

But when I draw...my mind zeros in on what I am hearing. The trick for me is to doodle about the moment. When I was younger, I would doodle fairies, flowers or caricatures of friends on one side of my notebook and attempt to take notes on the other. I would stay about half way in the moment, sometimes getting too wrapped up in my doodles and missing a point or two. But if I ONLY took notes, I would daydream altogether.

My friend Jessica saved a couple of the caricatures I made her

Around 8th grade, a very special teacher, Mr. Adams, recognized this phenomenon and instead of chastising me for my doodles, encouraged me to doodle about what he was presenting. This was so freeing. I remember more from his English class than any other English class I took. But I only had this freedom in his class. In every other class, I continued to hear, “Stop drawing and pay attention!”

Fast forward to my own quiet time, I was finding it very difficult to zero in and concentrate on my prayers or bible study. My mind was constantly day dreaming. I kept a prayer journal for years. But I realized I was doing all the talking. I wasn’t listening or building a relationship with God in any way.

In 2014 I started to journal in a different way. As I read passages, if one stuck out to me that I felt like I really needed to meditate on, I would draw it. Something about drawing the words made me meditate on them. As I was tracing the letters over and over, my mind would say them over and over. Not only was I meditating on the words, I was retaining the words! This became such a special time for me to really commune with God in a way I never had before.

Then I would sit in church and my mind would drift. I would sit in bible class and my mind would drift. Although I wanted to meditate this way in church, the thought of transferring my method of drawing the words to a public setting was intimidating. What if people thought I wasn’t paying attention? What if people thought I was just trying to get attention? Somehow I imagined someone would “catch” me doodling and yell at me to “Stop drawing and pay attention!” I would like to say that I realized all that mattered was my communion with God. However, it took a friend’s encouragement to help me summon the courage to just go for it.

At first I just tried drawing the words to sermons. Then I started drawing the words to the songs in service too.

Eventually I started drawing the words to my bible classes - which felt the most vulnerable because of the small setting.

I couldn’t believe how much more the services and classes meant to me when I could fully focus and meditate on the moment.

So I guess I wanted to pay it forward. If I can help others like me to let go of the fear of judgement and just be in the moment, the reward of pure communion with Jesus is so worth it. Likewise, if I can encourage teachers and parents everywhere to empower their visual learning student or child and not stifle them, their experience will be much more rich and fulfilling. You might even find yourself saying, “Start drawing and pay attention!”